ACT With Compassion

Here is an idea for an exercise to help clients defuse from their self-critic. This exercise could also help to assess the workability of listening to the critic. What is the fundamental objective of the critic? Is it actually effective at meeting that objective? Is the critic's objective aligned with the client's values? 

We have created a self-critic job description handout if you would like to try this exercise with your own clients.

Here is an example using my own self-critic.

Each month we highlight some practical resources for therapists interested in compassion. We don’t go into great depth about what we find, but encourage you to check them out if you think they’re interesting.

Do you have any clients coming to see you because their minds tend to run away with them? Or rather, because your client tends to run away with their mind? The mind says, "You are doing everything wrong!" and your client says, "Yes, let's think about that all day." The mind says, "I don't think you should work on that project today. You really want cookies" and your client says, "Okay." Alternatively, your client might say, "Why would I listen to you? You are a terrible, broken mind!" 

Every month, we scour the scientific literature for interesting studies that have practical implications for therapists working with shame, self-criticism, or compassion. Below are a few of our favorites for this month:

When I was little, there was a tree in the backyard of my family’s home. It had three knots in the perfect eyes and nose configuration and a groove in just the right place for a mouth. It was Mr. Tree. Often, when I was feeling sad or hurt I would go outside and sit beneath Mr. Tree or climb up into one of his branches and somehow feel soothed.

Nature imagery (or actual nature!) is often a good place to start with clients for whom compassion from humans can feel too threatening. On the other hand, some people may more easily access soothing feelings using human, animal, or spiritual imagery. It is probably best to start with whatever works and help the client to build their compassion repertoires from there.

Here is a poem I wrote about a compassionate tree that can hold the unwanted parts of a person’s experience. You can work with clients to write about or draw their own soothing image holding their own experience.

Each month we highlight some practical resources for therapists interested in compassion. We don’t go into great depth about what we find, but encourage you to check them out if you think they’re interesting.

Every month, we scour the scientific literature for interesting studies that have practical implications for therapists working with shame, self-criticism, or compassion. Below are a few of our favorites for this month: 

At our most recent monthly ACT peer consultation group meeting, a group member, Yael Schweitzer, led an exercise that fostered feelings of both discomfort and connection in group members. Although it wasn’t presented as a compassion exercise, I think it was. I wrote this Eyes on Compassion script based on my experience in the group.

This is a twist on the classic “Eyes on” exercise from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. This exercise can be done in a group, with group members pairing up. It can also be done in couple therapy with the therapist guiding the exercise for the two members of the couple, or it can be done in individual therapy with the therapist simultaneously guiding the exercise and participating in it.

The exercise is likely to generate discomfort, so it provides the opportunity to practice compassion even in the presence of discomfort. The exercise takes about 10 minutes.

It's great to see some readers of this blog/website start to respond! One of our readers (who chose to remain anonymous but agreed to let me post this) asked a great question about ACT and compassion interventions. I wanted to share my response publicly so that others might benefit (assuming there's something useful in there). If you are not already pretty well versed in ACT, this post might be too heavy in theory and you might want to skip it. However, if you already know something about ACT, you might find it interesting. Here's an excerpt from the email she sent:

Stories really ground me. I find I can be touched by stories in ways that surpass almost any other form of expression. I save up stories for hard days. For days when I crave connection, motivation, love. Stories of redemption, of imperfect people finding restoration or the unexpected in the hearts of others or in themselves. They lift me up, sustain me. This story by a New York Times reporter about losing an arm was one of those. I especially liked the ending, about how learning to depend on others led to this highly self-critical man allowing love into his heart for the first time.  I especially like the ending: