ACT With Compassion

The golden rule prescribes that we treat others how we would like to be treated. Yet, it does not offer guidance on how we should treat ourselves. Oftentimes, a puzzling phenomenon emerges—people treat others with kindness and consideration yet treat themselves harshly. We may, for example, call ourselves names that we would never dare utter to a loved one.

What underlies this harsh self-treatment, and what are the consequences of treating ourselves kindly vs. harshly during times of adversity? Turns out, people have different beliefs about how useful self-compassion is. These beliefs powerfully shape how people respond to life’s difficulties.

At its core, self-compassion involves extending the same care and kindness that we would offer to a loved one to ourselves. In other words, it involves including ourselves within the sphere of people that we care about and are kind to.

In our research, we observed that some people have negative beliefs about self-compassion, viewing self-compassion as a harbinger of laziness and self-indulgence. Others have positive beliefs, believing that self-compassion can improve motivation, self-discipline, and willingness to take personal responsibility for missteps. For example, some people think that self-compassion will lead them to throw in the towel and give up in the face of difficulties, while others believe that self-compassion will help them improve themselves and achieve their goals.

We found that the beliefs that participants held about self-compassion influenced how they responded to life challenges, such as disappointment with the 2016 U.S. presidential election amongst those who did not support its outcome. Across three studies, participants with positive beliefs about self-compassion responded more self-compassionately during such challenges, while those with negative beliefs about self-compassion responded more self-critically. 

Greater self-compassion, in turn, led to more adaptive coping and greater self-improvement seeking. In other words, self-compassion didn’t just feel good, it worked better, helping participants tackle life’s challenges head-on.

Importantly, changing participants’ beliefs about the usefulness of self-compassion (with brief articles) helped them cope better with challenges. Those led to believe self-compassion improves (vs. harms) motivation were more self-compassionate during challenges, which in turn led them to cope adaptively and seek self-improvement.

This raises an important avenue through which we can increase self-compassion in ourselves and our clients. Just believing that self-compassion is helpful, without actually training self-compassion, can increase self-compassionate responding and improve how adaptively people respond to life’s challenges.

Overall, this research reinforced the important role of self-compassion in shaping how people respond to life’s difficulties. Despite the many benefits of self-compassion, however, many people struggle to practice it. One key self-compassion barrier appears to be having negative beliefs about self-compassion. The clinical implication is clear: it’s important to spend time understanding and correcting our clients’ assumptions about self-compassion.

The good news is that it is possible to change negative beliefs about self-compassion and doing so can help people to develop greater self-compassion and resilience.

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To read more about our research, click here.

By Christina Chwyl. Christina is a Clinical PhD student at Drexel University conducting research in the Weight Eating and Lifestyle Science Center.