ACT With Compassion

People who are chronically self-critical often become numb to the effects of their self-criticism.

Through closely attending to the emotional reaction to self-criticism, people can begin to feel the real impact of this way of relating to oneself. Doing chair work where the critical side is enacted can sometimes begin to elicit the emotional reactions of shame, hurt, helplessness, or sadness that are created by a harsh way of being with oneself. At this stage it's often useful to support the client in developing a sense for the harm being created by self-criticism.  This handout I created (adapted from emotion-focused therapy) can help clients to explore this in their daily life. It guides them to pause, feel, and explore the impact of self-criticism as it occurs in their life. 

Each month we highlight some practical resources for therapists interested in compassion. We don’t go into great depth about what we find, but encourage you to check them out if you think they’re interesting.

Here is an idea for an exercise to help clients defuse from their self-critic. This exercise could also help to assess the workability of listening to the critic. What is the fundamental objective of the critic? Is it actually effective at meeting that objective? Is the critic's objective aligned with the client's values? 

We have created a self-critic job description handout if you would like to try this exercise with your own clients.

Here is an example using my own self-critic.

Each month we highlight some practical resources for therapists interested in compassion. We don’t go into great depth about what we find, but encourage you to check them out if you think they’re interesting.

Each month we highlight some practical resources for therapists interested in compassion. We don’t go into great depth about what we find, but encourage you to check them out if you think they’re interesting.

At our most recent monthly ACT peer consultation group meeting, a group member, Yael Schweitzer, led an exercise that fostered feelings of both discomfort and connection in group members. Although it wasn’t presented as a compassion exercise, I think it was. I wrote this Eyes on Compassion script based on my experience in the group.

This is a twist on the classic “Eyes on” exercise from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. This exercise can be done in a group, with group members pairing up. It can also be done in couple therapy with the therapist guiding the exercise for the two members of the couple, or it can be done in individual therapy with the therapist simultaneously guiding the exercise and participating in it.

The exercise is likely to generate discomfort, so it provides the opportunity to practice compassion even in the presence of discomfort. The exercise takes about 10 minutes.